I’m almost two weeks out from surgery. Things have been going great. I have my cast. I have the medications I need for pain, for muscle spasms, and for nausea. I have been following instructions: staying off of it completely, and exclusively relying on the crutches to get me around. I have been elevating whenever I can. I do not get my cast wet. I do not overdo it.
I noticed a few days ago that the one of my toes is completely numb. I assume it’s from the incision and needing to cut through a nerve. It’s a weird feeling, but nothing I didn’t expect. The feeling could come back, or it may not. It may partially return; I have no idea. I just need to wait and see.
I have noticed a few other things lately that I have been brushing off as “normal” and as me overreacting. This afternoon, however, I noticed something that caused me to turn around, sit back down on the couch, and call the doctor: two of my toes were extremely red and hot, and I was having burning in the area of two of my incisions and a deep throbbing in my ankle joint. Because I didn’t call until 4:15pm and the office closes at 4:30 (I have impeccable timing), I have an appointment for 8:45 tomorrow morning. I have a feeling they’ll be a) removing my sutures and b) replacing my cast.
After the last time I had surgery when I had an infection, I’m beyond terrified that it will happen again. I’m trying to be as positive as I can be, but I seriously don’t know what is going on. I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like it does. I guess we’ll see tomorrow.
One thing I never mentioned last week when I posted were the difficulties I have been having being as hands-off as I have needed to be. Because I am unable to do most things that require me to walk or to be on my feet at all, I have not been able to help out around the house as much as I would like, and I am unable to care for munchkin as I have done since he was born. It’s incredibly difficult to
not bawl my eyes out every single time something needs to be done that I can’t do watch my husband do all the major things around the house and not feel incredibly useless as if I’m leaving all the crap jobs work for him to do. I feel horrible, and I keep apologizing, and I think it’s driving him nuts; I’ve stopped as much as I can, until I lose my shit again and start sobbing and then I apologize again and again until I feel incredibly badly about something that has gone wrong or something I used to exclusively do. It’s tough. I am having a really hard time being so hands-off. I keep losing my shit, and it drives me crazy. Additionally, I can’t drive – which means that every single time that I need to go to the doctor, my husband has to bring me. And munchkin has been sick a lot the last few weeks – the week I had surgery (surgery was a Friday), he was out sick from school Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and then Friday he was with my parents. Last week he was sent home by 9am on Friday. This week he was sent home sick today. Because he has been out, my husband has also had to be out because I can’t watch munchkin myself. I can’t pick him up out of his crib when I need to, I can’t put him into his highchair when I need to, I can’t cook him food, I can’t really do all too much for him. So for every day that munchkin is not in school, we have to pay as if he is there – but my husband also can’t work. It’s the most annoying thing in the world, right now. It’s incredibly frustrating.
So this healing thing is obnoxious and frustrating and nowhere near a barrel of laughs; I’m just waiting for the next can of worms to open up. Not impressed, and we’ll see.
Maybe that other shoe won’t drop after all. I just need to take it one day at a time. One.Day.at.a.Time.